Musings on Sunday (Unfinished)

Musings on Sunday (Unfinished)

We often feel we must have something to say

We must have this profound wisdom

This answer

And we must have it now

Give it now

Know it now

Yet we really live in the midst of a vast universe

Unknown

Untouched

Never experienced

Still we think we know it all

We know nothing

Nothing at all

Our knowledge and our opinions are infinite

Yet they are a microscopic drop

An atom

A proton

A quark

In the midst of millions of galaxies

So who am I to judge my brother

Who am I to tell my sister she is wrong

Who are they to tell me who I am

Who I am not

None of us have the right to judge another

None of us hardly know ourselves

Much less what drives the heart beats of all the others

See, I live in the midst of great distractions

I can’t join one thought to another

Without an interruption in the mix

It’s a miracle these sentences come forth

These thoughts born right in the middle of chaos

Might simply be a picture of how life really is

I try to shut down the noise

But the noise is just too voluminous for me

Waves come crashing in from everywhere

Now my thoughts are lost in a sandy mix of dark frustration

Grating against my soul

Creating thousands of pearls

I put on the piano music

Listened through the earphones

So that I don’t pay back evil for evil

I consider the others

Even though there is no consideration for me

It’s the way I’ve always been

It’s the way I’ll always be

So here we are

Alone in the world again

I know life is meant to be lived with others

It’s not to be lived alone

But I can’t take all the delusions
I simply want to live in my home

Being what I am supposed to be

Where was I before all of this droning

Who was I before all the stoning

My broken bones and bruises might be healed

The memories still reside

I think I must make the journey inside

To see the one who walks the earth

The one who sees the heavens

The one who lives in the both and the and

The one who sees the purpose in the sand

The one who sees the emptiness of the time

And all its fullness thereof

I don’t think this will ever be finished

4/7/19

Into the Depths

Into the Depths

I have dived into an ocean

Now I realize I’ve gone so deep

I don’t know where I am

The only thing I thought I could do to save myself

Is see where the light is coming from

Then simply return to the surface

But now, where I am, there is light coming from all directions

I now have no idea which way I’m supposed to go

But I presume that wherever I go

there will be nothing but goodness

In whichever way I choose

T=mg+ma

T=mg + ma

These paradoxes are killing this Western man

I’m told that giving up is the way to life

Then giving up is the way to shame

I’m told that rest brings me to peaceful healing

Yet I rest and become more lame

I’m not saying the truth is a lie

But what I am saying is that life seems immutably impossible

And I’m not really sure what I should do

The scientists attribute the darkness to biology

The preachers attribute the biology to darkness

In a culture of “I must know everything”

I think we know nothing, nothing at all

Suddenly I find this earth I’ve been anchored to

Is floating aimlessly in space

Possibly not aimlessly

Possibly toward a great destruction

Possibly toward miraculous life

I am told that this is my greatest decision

Is it really the electrons traversing the axons

That determines the universe’s fate?

Is it true we’re just a micron of a meaningless speck?

Like I said, the tension betwixt these two is so great

I feel I’m being torn in two

The dangers of that are none too few

Yet neither are the abundance of the treasures

Image by La Boheme, Google Images

Crest

Crest

Waves of anger and depression

Slapping against my being like gray waves

On a black sand beach

Too hot to walk on

Too dreary to sit and watch

So I’ll move along and check the swatch

Of this new satin and silky fabric

This stuff that is supposed to hold it all together

This stuff that brings happiness in any kind of weather

Oh look, the moths and the worms have left their say

I cannot speak, I cannot pray

Or I can but I’m afraid of what I will speak

Everything I’ve loved, I seek

But have found this place of dark derision

I have come to the point of stark decision

Do I jump into this mosh pit that I can see

Or do I wait for these things I cannot

This waiting is hell, it seems to go on eternal

This silence is torture, this noise is infernal

When all that my soul longs for is a sound

A sound that casts all to the ground

All that is not beauty, down

I still cannot hear it.

Maybe I should move

Maybe I should change my place

Maybe I should change my face

Like all the other superstars

Maybe I should join in the farce

Known as jaunty superstition and hype

Known as virtual expertise, so ripe 

Is the fruit of all our monstrosities

Painted to appear like lovely charities

We mock what we cannot know

I look to the mountains and see the snow

I long to know its cold, pure light.

I have wandered far, I have wandered here

I have left the wheel and refused to steer

The course that every other person seems to go

They ask and ask, I answer “I don’t know,

I have no idea of which way to go

And I’m not sure anyone else does either.”

I pause for a moment to enjoy a breather

And everyone else perceives it as ignorance

Simply because I am not speaking

They leave me standing there with the answer in my soul

So, that’s ok, I’ll just walk to whole

I’ll just meander myself off into the distance

I’m told I need a guide, a companion, a help

Yet all of these have seem to go their own ways

I look to stars, I lift my gaze

I decide to follow the whisperings of the wind

This wind, the last of my unseen friends

Begins to dance along the river

This place is good, my spine does quiver

In the knowing of nothing at all

In the understanding of almost everything

I feel a song, a dance, I sing

To a song that only the dogs can hear

A song I know and love so well

A song that makes the gray waves swell

Until they crest into a blue-green sea

answer

answer

so often we want answers in black and white

yet that is not how they come

that isn’t how it was designed

sure it makes it so much simpler

because things are so much simpler when they’re dead

so our answers come not at all

or when they do

they’re red and yellow

still missing some points

but that is not the point

the point is to enjoy the beauty and the wonder

as it contrasts against our blacks and whites

living things amongst the dead

the answer comes in yellow and red

K, Duane Carter 10-27-11

Surrounded

I walk along a path of stone

Ground by years of wear

I suddenly sense a Greatness near

Yet I know not why or where

I lift my head and see the vastness

The granite, the stones, the trees

I suddenly sense I am surrounded by Love

I stop and I go to my knees

I am completely encircled by Someone beyond

I am completely enamored and awed

I am so mesmerized that I barely can breathe

I just know I must give Him my all

The mountains cry out and speak His name

The trees list silent in the winds

I shrink to the size of a quark of a seed

I hear His voice call me “friend”

I am surrounded

K, Duane Carter 8-15-11

Responding in Truth

This morning I read a tweet from a prominent speaker in our country, and it said something to the effect that God doesn’t respond to our need, He responds to our faith.  I immediately had a “no” in my heart and I thought of the story of the father who brought his son to the disciples and they couldn’t heal him.  He asked Jesus to heal his son IF He could.  IF…there wasn’t a lot of faith right there, you know?  He then admitted to Jesus that he needed help with unbelief and Jesus gave him the miracle of healing his son in order to do just that…Jesus boosted the man’s faith.  Jesus didn’t respond to the guy’s faith.  He responded to his need so that He could give him the gift of faith.  I’m not sitting here gleeful because just one more preacher dude made a mistake.  That’s not the point.  The point is I am tired of the church sign approach we Christians have to the truth.  We often say things that sound so pious and right and cute and cuddly, but when you really start digging into a lot of these platitudes they aren’t right at all, and I think that they also harm because somewhere out there is a hurting person that DID believe and they didn’t get what they asked for and now they are floundering.  The last thing that person needs is a 2 x 4 across his head making him think he didn’t believe “enough.”  I think God responds the way any good Father would respond.  He does what He knows is best in the situation and based on what will bring us the most good and help us to grow.  Truth isn’t straightforward.  It just isn’t.  If you don’t believe me then read Proverbs 26:4-5.  I am learning that God is more often a “both-and” person and NOT an exclusively “either-or” type of person.  And somewhere, somehow we are going to have to quit acting like we know it all, and we are going to have to start acting out of the place that our faith contains mystery and unanswered questions and there is not one human being on this planet that has it all right including (and probably especially) myself.  If we lead people to the Answer instead of trying to have all the answers, we might go far.  Just a thought… 

Tethered

Tethered

I am here at this place
A place where I feel tethered down
Yet resting in the waters
I have risen above the waters to see Your glory
And though it is so bright no man can look upon it
Yet I rest in the peace of this water
Knowing my chains are loosed
Knowing I am not tethered anymore
Awaiting my moment to fly over those mountains
That were always so large and daunting before
Yet now they are only beautiful things
That I will be able to fly over
To get to that place that is closer to Your brilliance,
Your majesty and Your power
I am here at this place
A place where even though I feel tethered down
The Truth is right there before me
And I choose to believe Him
Over what I feel

kdc 9-14-08