Thursday, November 26, 2009
I have struggled some this Thanksgiving for a variety of reasons. It seems like that recently I have met with multiple disappointments and just frank disasters in life that have gotten me wondering what life is really all about. Now I know there are others that have it much worse than I do, but that isn't the point. The point is what are we all doing here and what is life about? Anyone that knows me well knows that when questions like that strike me, they go deep and I will almost go to any length to find an answer. In the midst of receiving news about friends with cancer, children with brain tumors, people dying, and young people throwing their lives away I had to simply get before God and ask, "What is going on here?" It is very frustrating to me to KNOW that I carry the power of the Living God within me, yet I can't seem to take that out of my chest and put it to use where it seems it is needed most. Yes, I can do the humanly possible things like pray and send cards and encourage people, but I just know in my heart we were made for more than that. When Jesus speaks of abundant life I really know in my heart that He means a life just like He lived, and He lived supernaturally. I told Him today that I feel like I am a man with a key ring that has thousands of keys on it, and some of the keys are locked up in little lockets, and I have a group of hundreds of children with me. We are standing before a great fortress with a huge iron gate, and on the inside is safety and provision for our entire group, and I have the key on that ring to open the gate, but I don't know which one it is. And to add to the drama there is a pack of wild beasts coming full speed at us, fully intending to tear us all apart and devour us. I scream, "God help me find the key!" only to hear silence. Or worse yet someone that is there with me tells me that I have to fix some issue in my life to open up one of the lockets so I can even get access to the keys. So, right here at the point of my greatest frustrations, one of my spiritual moms sends me a devotional that talks of how it is the heartbeat of God and His love that holds the entire universe together. It speaks of how our call is simply to rest with Him and allow His love to fill us, and then just go out and allow that love to flow. This may not sound profound, but it is life-changing. I don't have to "do" something to change the world. All I have to do is walk with Him and stay with Him, and He is powerful and loving enough that the simple act of being with Him will change me into one that is truly alive. His light and His life are what changes the world. I just have to be available for Him to shine through me. I don't know why I can't grasp this simple truth of walking in real life.