Turn Aside (again)

In a year where I am convinced a major theme for me is “Rest and Restoration” I have had some crazy, crazy days. So much so I haven’t written much at all. So the other day I am heading in for another busy day, and….well…I’ll let the poem tell you the rest.

Turn Aside

I was simply marching this morning

Marching as I always do

Day after day

An obedient servant to the power of the clock

Time marches on, so must I

So must I in this eye for an eye world

But then

I looked to the right

It was the sunlight

I hadn’t seen it for days

The yellow-orange clouds and haze

Diffused the light into my very soul

I felt it enter in

And beckon me to turn aside

I paused, just for a moment

The green, wet grass was the forbidden path

The concrete pointed my appointed way

But I decided to do something very different this day

I turned aside

I walked a short way

The closer I came to the mountains distant

The brighter the sunlight became

I came to the place where I could no longer go

Knowing now the day would no longer be the same

I just stood there

Sunlight peaking over Mount Lassen

Mists spreading through the valley

There was such a beauty there it could not be denied

there was a magic released when I turned aside

As I stood there I felt I must take a photo

I took it

But it did not do the scene justice

One could not feel the invigorating air

One could not hear the birds song rising

One could not sense the peace of compromising

All that I knew to be right for this beauty

I finally had to go my way

I wished in this moment I could longer stay

But the sun was rising

The light hurting my eyes

I was glad to observe the colors of skies

That I would never have noticed 

Without turning aside

Eighteen Theme

I hadn't written any poetry yet for 2018, but today it simply began to flow and I just went with it. I think the theme of 2018 is going to be rest and restoration, and what brings that about is beauty and joy and delight. So, I hope that this piece will get your year started off in a great direction, and may you know all that is good in this upcoming year. :)

Eighteen Theme

I have felt a call from the ancients

To come and see where I came from
To join in and listen to the songs, the prayers

The sayings, the wisdom

Things that were thought long-forgotten

But, no, 

They still live deeply within our very souls

I hear the bass tones, stirring

My heart cries out, “Go there, go there now!”

Of course all the science behind my brow

Just rolls its eyes in a slumber

A slumber induced by the intoxicating opiate

Of pride in the midst of ignorance

I have long since began walking toward the sound

I have just started to place my bare feet upon the ground

So that I can feel the touch of the earth,

The Sea

The Stone

Many would say all I do is roam

But there is a roaming with a purpose

To know what is sheer delight

It’s been a while since I’ve been out at night

Not to take in more of the same

But to look to the skies

To hear my name

Whispered through the eons of time

I can’t hear that unless I listen

I can’t see it unless I look

The sounds of the Merced river, brook

Still bring serenity to my aging ears

I put on peace and take off fears

So I can continue on the journey

I don’t want my life to be lived on a gurney

Being pushed and pulled 

Torn and worn

I want to live it on my bare feet

I might not get there very fast

I might not get there at all

But I will have seen the shades of fall

Turn my heart into an amber orange

Living in the colors is what really matters to me

And to live in the colors 

I have to see with my ears

Hear with my eyes

Be always expecting the gift of surprise

Be always expecting the gift of delight

Be always expecting the night and the light

Resting in the Embers

Resting in the Embers

I’ve grown tired of this introspection

This circumspection

A rambling on about emptiness

Seeing everything

Feeling nothing

Putting it all down on paper

Wanting to crinkle it all up

Throw it all away

Yet the digital age holds on to everything

So it seems I can’t let anything go myself

Thoughts placed here in the memory banks

Blitzing through the silicon

Making way through the binary codes

A million decisions at a time

All of them seemingly ineffective

Or maybe even just plain wrong

I’ve heard I get to decide the path I’m going

I’ve heard I get to fight on until the end

Yet it seems to me there truly is a game

That never names me as a friend

That always sees me as an enemy

A botulism

That takes all their power away

So stay away

Stay far away

From this land of milk and honey

I drone on

Like a honeybee drunk on vesuvial cyanide

Making up words that don’t even exist

Simply to fit into the rhythm,

The meter, the beat, the blinding heat

That makes all else just meaningless apparition

My god, I never knew such deep ambitions

Could lead one to such a dark and quiet meadow

I’m told to hold on, I’m told to let go

To the point where my sagittal suture is splitting

The time it ticks, and keeps on ticking

Yet I don’t own the newest Apple watch

So I drift out into the sea

Never to be heard from or seen again

There I go, there I go again

Turning all of this vitriol into all about me

It’s no wonder I drift out onto the open sea

With nary a life raft to help me

I wonder how long it will take me to sink

I wonder more who will even notice to miss me

Time for another drink

Time for another still

Time for another evaluation of my will

To see if I have what it takes to simply get off of this couch

And plant my feet onto the carpet rug

I am pushed, I am pulled, I am torn, I am tugged

By these millions of mere distractions

My hope, my will, my faith, my actions

Are all upon the judgment stand

I open my heart, I lift my hand

I place it all on this paper of an altar

I watch it burn

Only what is beautiful will stand

All I see are dying silhouettes of grave clothes

Drifting through the night skies

I often wish I had closed my eyes

To these things that seem to blind me

I look back to the fire that is ember now

I see a faint glimpse of beauty

That I have not ever seen before

I see a coal, an open door

That rests inside the embers

Blue Lands

The Blue Lands

I'm not used to this enduring cold

This absence of heat

This growing old

I'm not used to this sadness 

But yet I am familiar 

I've let it rob me

Of being a man

And even greater still 

I've let it rob me of being a human 

So like C3PO I stagger about

Encompass everything's nothing

I spew and I spout

Yet have nothing to say

To bring colors to the flowers

I go on in my knowledge 

About hours and showers 

Yet never bring rain to the sun fields 

I creak and squeak and groan, my shields

Have protected me from the very lifelines I needed

The singing of the birds I've heeded

It is there I shall find out some answers

The sun,the moon, the arts, the dancers 

Will point me to the way

I go on writing and throwing this day

Into the building of mortar and bricks 

These stones, these shells, these rocks, these sticks

Were never enough to save me

So, though all living may skin and berate me

I will choose to rest on the battlefield 

Because I am weary of the blood, the limbs, the smoke

I am weary of the words that make me choke 

I just want to see the sunshine

Through dance, through song, through sound, through rhyme

I enter into the blue lands beyond all time

And I jolly well plan to stay there

The Oaks

The Oaks

I cannot pour out

What I do not contain

I cannot give away

What I do not possess

So why do I continue

Shaking this empty vessel

As hard as I possibly can

Trying to get the last drop

Out of something that was empty

So very long ago

What am I doing?

Don’t I know that I will tire in the shaking

To the point where I drop my jar

Shattering the ceramic everywhere

Scattering the good afar

Time to rest my vessel beneath the rain

Time to sit beneath the ethereal flow

Time to place the acorns in the earth

Water them so they will grow

For fruitfulness has never come

From awkward and vicious consumption

Of that which was meant to glow

I feed on everything that doesn't matter 

I discard everything that does

This one thing I know

There must be a vast reversal

There must be a complete and total overhaul

I must place my busy-ness in the ground to rest

And allow my rest to grow

In this way I will see and know

The wonder of the oaks

11/12/16

Some Observations on Feeling Better....

I've noticed something over the last several days.  Despite my voracious holiday appetites, I am starting to feel a lot better than I have in a long time.  I know, I know.  You're all out there hoping that Dr. Carter is going to advise spiked egg nog and heavy holiday feasts for everyday living.  Nope, that isn't what has done it for me.  I sat down and thought about it tonight, and I know of a few things that have most definitely helped.  I wanted to share them with everyone so maybe you can put these things to use also.

First is that I have made deliberate choices to avoid allowing garbage into my spirit.  Yes, I know this one isn't very "medical" but it's very accurate.  If there are things that make you feel "less than" then get rid of them.  Those things do nothing but drain you, so give them the boot.

Second is that I have finally accepted who I am and what I do.  A person I consider one of my spiritual fathers, Paul Manwaring, has helped me tremendously in this.  Many of us consider ourselves as just coming short of who we should be and we beat ourselves up about it.  Stop it.  Begin to be thankful for who you are and for what you do.  If you can't be thankful for what you do then stop doing that and do something else that you love.  I have also found how to be thankful in different situations.  For example, I used to feel like I was "wasting time" when I was relaxing.  No more.  Like tonight I just went outside for a while and let the sunlight hit my face.  I was thankful for the few minutes of serenity.  In the past, a moment like that would have gotten me irritated because I should have been "doing something."  I'm learning I AM doing something...I'm taking care of myself.

Third is that I have finally learned that life is messy and that's ok.  I've given up the ideal that life can be perfect and organized and worry free.  That's not life...that's a cemetery.  So I'm not walking around upset all the time that things are going well.  It's amazing how much energy that leaves for doing the important things of life.

Fourth is that I've learned to forgive.  Holding on to grudges and bitterness just sucks...literally.  It just sucks the life right out of you.  So let it go (SING IT, ELSA!!).  Sorry, got carried away there.  Seriously, though, let it go.  Your spouse snapping at you?  Let it go.  The boss being a jerk?  Let it go.  I tell you, I'm learning this first hand, the amount of energy that you waste on being angry and upset is amazing.  So forgive...and watch your energy levels go up.

Fifth is that I've learned to listen to my wife and I am taking some excellent supplements.  I am using Juice Plus and doTerra's Long Life Vitality Pack.  These things are good and they're good for me.  I have found that as I begin to take care of myself with good food, good sleep, good supplements, good exercise, and surrounding myself with good friends and family, that my life is much lighter and I have a lot more goodness flowing into it and out from it and this benefits everyone.

So, there is a simple list of things I've notice have helped to energize me.  I'm not saying this is the "cure all" for all fatigue and malaise.  I am saying that I have found these things have made big difference to me in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and I'm hoping that sharing them will give others some insights on how to make their life better also.

Here's to you and a healthier and happier 2015...love you all!!

Dr. C.

Reflections

Reflections

Years have slipped on by

As I have wandered this grassy knoll

I have steadily wandered further west

Until the ocean has hemmed me in

Now I stand with this familiar feeling again

Of the unknown, the untested, the unseen

The wondering of what everything does mean

While all the while not really having to know

Doubts are fading, peacefulness grows

In this garden that I have come upon

Where I never hear a familiar song

Yet my heart has heard them all before

My eternal eyes see an eternal door

My mind does not know how to unlatch it

The yielding does know how to catch it

Entering on the invitation

Not striving in dark gyration

I simply walk into something so much bigger than I

Not remembering the when, not understanding the why

I simply walk in realizing

Good Father led me the entire way

He’s led me far today…

Right in the midst of the stillness

K, Duane Carter 12-1-11