Unless the seed...

https://songsfromtheriver.com/2020/05/31/unless-the-seed/

Life's Essence

Life’s Essence

We think we’re so smart

Yet we really don’t even know what life is

Sure you can boil and pipet

You can microscope and experiment

You can hypothesize, theorize

We can discover

Oxygen, carbon dioxide, glucose

Neurons, mesons, electrical processes

DNA that tells us everything

Fourteen complex reactions for every photon

Processing it into vision

A hammer and nail, tapping morse code

Turning it into electricity and then to sound

We know all of this

Yet we can throw it all into a bucket

And not have one nanogram of life in the mix

All the ingredients

Simple, complex

But not one ounce of spirit

All of this material can exist in a corpse

But cannot regenerate itself anymore

So what is life? What is it for?

The scientists and philosophers have their own ways of knowing

But I like the poetic answer:

We don’t know

But it surely looks and sounds and smells and tastes and feels

Like love

8/24/19 kdc

Pressing

Pressing

I need to write

I’m not sure why

All I want is to touch the sky

Yet all I do is squirm through the earth

I don’t want to hear all the caterpillar metaphors

I see what happens to the earthworms

Food for birds

Drying out in the hot sun

Dying on the sidewalks

Eating, eliminating, pushing on, dying

This surely cannot be what this parable is all about

I try to scream, I’d like to shout

But the sound doesn’t go past my canines

I sit here and stare

I’d like to wonder,

But I sit here and stare

I hear the sounds of children

Running, playing, talking, meaningless chatter

But everything means everything to them

Maybe it should be that way with me

Instead of worrying what is worth my while

Coming to the conclusion that all is meaningless

Maybe I should assume all is worthwhile

Embrace it all with wonder

Even those things of dark charades

All of life is simply a game anyway

Except there really are no winners and losers

That’s why the whole thing is a great mystery

For those of us seeking nothing but answers

We swim in an ocean of disenchantment, disappointment

For those who simply love to live

They splash in rivers of delight

What is the secret to leaving night?

I forgive myself and all who have known me

All who have left me out to dry

I hear the sounds of splashing waves

7/18/19 kdc

Grateful

Grateful

Ah, for so long I have tried to be the poet extraordinaire

But, alas, my books just sit on the shelf

Not going anywhere

I made all sorts of excuses

It’s the modern day

No one reads poetry anymore

There has to be a video

There has to be a meme

Vacillating from one to another extreme

I have finally realized

I’ve tried too hard to be someone I’m not

Do that for too long and your soul will rot

To the point where even you notice the smell

The stench, the pain, there is no gain,

The wrench

That finally breaks the bolts from the tightening

Then comes that feeling that is all too frightening

The feeling of panicked disarray

The feeling of floating in outer space

Knowing you’re a million light years from anywhere

And nowhere is where you’ll always be

Sure that floating feeling is free

But freedom without any boundary is nothing less

Than death by lonely wandering

And that death is very, very slow

How do I get past this vaudeville show?

I do not know, I do not know

This seems to be my favorite answer

More and more popular it becomes by the day

I’m told to read, I’m told to pray

Yet silence has forever greeted me

I wish I could be more upbeat

Instead of this deadpan sullen

Yet there are days where these perceptions must come forth

There are nights where the soul is broken

There are lives in which living is not seen

I think it’s time to find the green

The life that comes from seeking light

But I’ve said that all before

It’s almost become a daily chore

Not the majesty and the mystery that it should

I sit and stare at a piece of wood

Waiting for it to save me

Can I find true life within a tree

Is it living

Or is it dead?

These voices go on and on inside my head

I could probably go on like this forever

So before I drone on into a cumbersome blather

I am simply going to stop

To say

Thank you for this day

kdc, 6/8/19

Dead Amongst the Living

Dead Amongst the Living

I’m no longer writing poetry

I’m not sure why

I sit here on the front porch

Looking at the sky

And that is all I do

These thoughts are many

These thoughts are few

I just don’t know who I am anymore

Stillness can be heaven

Stillness can be hell

And often I cannot

Will not

Tell the difference

These dichotomies have created judgment in me

I don’t want that anymore

But this place where I sit amongst a sandy shore

Feels very unsettling to me

All I wanted was to be free

And all I got was imprisoned

The train blows shrill across the chasm

It’s a warning instead of an announcement

But he seems to be having fun letting it loose

Over and over and over

I look down at the struggling clover

That is surviving this summer heat

Nothing else here questions its existence

Nothing

So why do I?

Why do I sit and stare at sky

And wonder why it is I’m here?

To sing a song, to drink a beer

To play a game, to work a day

To walk on and on in this merry way

That leads to both great joy and brutal heartache

I hope that those that attend my wake

Will be there to have fun when they greet me

kdc, 6/2/19

Rain in May

Rain in May

The biggest lesson of today

A day of rain and cold and quiet

Is to enjoy

Yes it’s the midst of May

The time of sun and warmth and flowers and green

Yet

Those things aberrant are often the very things we need

To see our lives in a whole new way

I take my last drink of my peppermint hot chocolate

Thankful for its warmth

This cold sits foreign against my skin

Yet I do not ask just why or when

Things will go back to the way I’ve known them

That way may never be known again

This rain is a good friend

5/18/19

The Center

The Center 

The Center is clear

Everything that radiates from it

Blurs and blurs

No color is lost

Still the center is clear

And all that align with it

Even the peripheral

Even the immature

Even the things never noticed

They are clear when they rest at the center

So it is with you and me.

This is the best of trees

Destination

Destination

I want to go somewhere

Exotic, beautiful, wondrous

But the problem is I would have to go

Travel, drive, fly

Hours of monotony

Mounds of money

Time

Isn’t this the modern dilemma?

You are told life is all about an adventure

But there is a price to be paid

So I get to choose to be a nothing

Or a somebody who is exhausted and broke

Discovering that all of these travels 

Aren’t always what they are made to be

If I don’t change what is really going on

Within

I have to go beyond this time

Touch eternity

Eternity traveling in me

All these things take peace to see

Peace to hear

To know

This is where I want to go

12/30/18

Eyes

Eyes

Listless, wandering ship

Deep and darkened ocean

Infinite in its mystery

Forever in its awe

Sails limp and ineffective

Outside of the trade winds

I am nothing but a drifter

I cry out for help within

I hear nothing but the swells

The call of the depths

For just one more soul to devour

I hear a shuffle behind me

It is the half-blind, half-crippled deck hand

Beginning his daily routine

I don’t have to look to see him

I can smell his terrible odor

And I grow angry that he is there

Interrupting my thoughts and prayer

I long to see the eyes of God

To know some way out of this disaster

I hear nothing but the swells

The call of the depths 

For just one more life to devour

The deck hand begins to scour

Begins to scrub

The endless stain of salt and crumb

Off of the heart of the boat

I turn and look

He is peaceful, content

No sign of dour, no harsh intent

No complaining

No, he’s humming an old sailor’s song

“You there, sir” I call out to him.

He raises his face to me. 

One eye completely white 

A past trauma no doubt

The other a blue-green just like the sea

He answers not a word

He only looks directly into me

Just like the sea

“How can you go on like this?” I ask

“How can you go on in this vain repetition

Humming along, singing a song,

All the while we drift into nowhere?”

He continued looking into me

At this point I’m feeling quite ashamed

I don’t even know why

There’s something about those dichotomous eyes

That brings the entire universe into order

Finally he speaks

“I simply live in the now

Where I plant, where I plow

Is simply where I am

I trust the winds will guide me there

Though we cannot see the air

We know that it exists

Now…see the rustling in your hair…”

Twas true

As we talked there was a gull that flew

There was a presence of the breezes

The sails began to flicker but I wasn’t sure of what to do

I looked inquisitively at the deck hand again

“It’s ok, my son, it’s ok. The captain will make all things new.”

I then began to see

The answer to my prayer for God’s eyes to see

Was looking right into me

Was kneeling on the deck

Washing the crusts away

My ship was on its way.

12/22/18

Stay

I typically write free verse poetry. I can write the classical styles of poetry, but I’ve just always enjoyed a more free style of writing. Today, though, I had a song going through my head. It was Bruce Springsteen’s “Philadelphia.” I’ve always loved this song, and my favorite part of it is the captivating and haunting tune and rhythm of it. So as I had it going through my head, I had some lyrics come to me and I thought, “What the heck. Let’s write a song.” So here is “Stay” and it goes along (mostly) with the tune of “Philadelphia.” 

If anyone out there has some good tunes that need lyrics, let me know. Once I have a tune in my head, I can make the lyrics fit. Who knows? Maybe we’ll win a Grammy some day…

Stay

I wake up to the sunset

The day was dead and gone

I thought about the hills

That used to be my steadfast home

As the daylight of my eyes 

Slowly slipped away

I thought about the future

Thought about yesterday

But couldn’t stay in this moment

Couldn’t stay in this moment where I am me

Couldn’t stay in this moment

Couldn’t stay in the place where I am free

The darkness seems to tumble

Through the bright and golden fields

It seems to overtake everything in its wheels

I know I cannot dwell in this place

This place that isn’t home

So I gather up my children, prepare to roam

Can’t stay in this moment

Can’t stay in the moment where I cannot see

Can’t stay in this moment

Can’t stay in this place where I’m not free

Don’t know where this road is going to take me

But I know I share it with you

Don’t know where this road is going to take me

But I know that here with you, here everything’s new

I sense the shadows falling, the coming of the rain

I can feel the cold and listlessness of the autumn rains

I stare into the doorway, looking for the shore

But all I see is sunlight and nothing more

I’ve gotta stay in this moment

I’ve gotta stay where I am me

I’ve gotta stay in this moment

I’m going to stay where I am free

Going to stay in this moment

Going to stay in this moment

Going to stay

Stillness

Stillness

I need days like today

Quiet

Dark

Raining

Cool

Pain surging through my lower back

With every little move

So stillness is the order of the day

No frenetic activity

No urgent motion

Just quiet sitting listening to the waters flow

Just listening to the heartbeat grow

Toward a restful anticipation of good

I sense these things amongst the woods

The forests of soul and spirit 

I hear the beckons, I might be near it

I might be far away

Yet I would know nothing of anything this rainy day

Without the colors of the quiet

Autumn leaves outside my window

Bright reminders of brighter days

Shorter, still

I gaze out from the windowsill

There is always a spring after the winter

My soul for so long broken, splintered

Now the humus is ready for growth

Up into that never seen, never known

Up into all that has been known by the ancients

Up into all that is made to be me

I see the stately redwood trees

Are still with steadfast smiles

They’ve never moved an inch, a mile

Yet they know the vastness of the oceans

Because they understand the life of stillness

Quiet

Dark

Raining 

Cool

I have a day in wisdom’s school 

I have a day in the stillness

And I am so grateful for it

11/27/18

Freedom's Choice

 Freedom’s Choice

Such startling contrasts

Often get our attention

We often question why

When pain and suffering enter in

Yet in the midst of all of that raucous din

We seem to forget to ask why

All the beauty and majesty are there as well

Sometimes as small as the hermit crab’s shell

Sometimes as grand as the redwood

Sometimes in the message of a flower pastel

Who despite the presence of blackened death nearby

Simply shines on in all of its glory

Maybe I should learn the lesson here

Maybe I should hear the story

In spite of circumstances, war, or shame

I can still go on, living my name

Reveling in my freedom to choose the good

11/18/18

Molting

Molting

I keep coming back to this well

And every time I find it dry

But I keep coming back

And I keep coming back

Empty

Empty 

Emptiness 

There seems to be no word association

With Emptiness

Because when there is nothing there

There is nothing to associate with

Just like everyone else’s search for eternal bliss

Mine seems to be sorting through laundry

Making car payments

Daily grinds

These thoughts that come forward to my mind

Are gut wrenching

But so Blase'

I think I’ll go and find a tray

Filled with bright hors’d oeuvres 

A sporty car to drive the curves

To navigate the way to nowhere

I sit here in the smoke and stare

Into this long and deep abyss

It is the clouds and skies I miss

They do make such a difference

I grow tired of this poetic inference 

That leads me to this same empty well

I’m ready to let go of this shell

Let my soft insides be revealed

I could be loved

I could be peeled

But at least I would be me