Resting in the Embers

Resting in the Embers

I’ve grown tired of this introspection

This circumspection

A rambling on about emptiness

Seeing everything

Feeling nothing

Putting it all down on paper

Wanting to crinkle it all up

Throw it all away

Yet the digital age holds on to everything

So it seems I can’t let anything go myself

Thoughts placed here in the memory banks

Blitzing through the silicon

Making way through the binary codes

A million decisions at a time

All of them seemingly ineffective

Or maybe even just plain wrong

I’ve heard I get to decide the path I’m going

I’ve heard I get to fight on until the end

Yet it seems to me there truly is a game

That never names me as a friend

That always sees me as an enemy

A botulism

That takes all their power away

So stay away

Stay far away

From this land of milk and honey

I drone on

Like a honeybee drunk on vesuvial cyanide

Making up words that don’t even exist

Simply to fit into the rhythm,

The meter, the beat, the blinding heat

That makes all else just meaningless apparition

My god, I never knew such deep ambitions

Could lead one to such a dark and quiet meadow

I’m told to hold on, I’m told to let go

To the point where my sagittal suture is splitting

The time it ticks, and keeps on ticking

Yet I don’t own the newest Apple watch

So I drift out into the sea

Never to be heard from or seen again

There I go, there I go again

Turning all of this vitriol into all about me

It’s no wonder I drift out onto the open sea

With nary a life raft to help me

I wonder how long it will take me to sink

I wonder more who will even notice to miss me

Time for another drink

Time for another still

Time for another evaluation of my will

To see if I have what it takes to simply get off of this couch

And plant my feet onto the carpet rug

I am pushed, I am pulled, I am torn, I am tugged

By these millions of mere distractions

My hope, my will, my faith, my actions

Are all upon the judgment stand

I open my heart, I lift my hand

I place it all on this paper of an altar

I watch it burn

Only what is beautiful will stand

All I see are dying silhouettes of grave clothes

Drifting through the night skies

I often wish I had closed my eyes

To these things that seem to blind me

I look back to the fire that is ember now

I see a faint glimpse of beauty

That I have not ever seen before

I see a coal, an open door

That rests inside the embers