The Moment

The Moment

There is a great heaviness on the carousel

This going round and round and round and round

The music of the grand calliope

Off keyed and somber now

After years of rust and rain

This necessary thing called pain

Supposedly a seed that grows in the furrows

Into some sort of beautifully lined fruition

Maybe it does

Maybe it doesn’t

There might just be a fragrance to the flowers

If I will simply choose to inhale slowly

The springtime air enters my nose

Fills my lungs

Finds its way to every single place in my being

There is a fragrance there I’ve never noticed

There is something there, something air

But I must turn aside to note it

What is this?

I see a eucalyptus, on fire

Yet not consumed

Suddenly, I sense the heaviness of a Spirit

Pressing out the heaviness of my soul

I think the former frightens me more

I know not what I came here for

Those things no longer carry any weight at all

Compared to this weight I feel, I crawl

To the point where I cannot go any further

Yet I must go further still

No human power, no human will

Could stand this any longer

But I will stay here until I’m stronger

Or I will stay here until I die.

K, Duane Carter 5/26/16

Image from Google Images and is not my personal photography

Restore

Restore

The very things meant to destroy your hearing

Will be used to spread the sounds of heaven everywhere

The very things meant to destroy your vision

Will be used to reveal the colors and the beauty of God

The things meant to destroy your soul

Will bring healing to the nations

God has spoken, it is true

Those things brought as destruction against you

Will be the very things that lift you higher

Higher than one has ever been before

So keep looking for the door

Zephaniah

Zephaniah

How can one write a song

When everything inside is dead

In place of Nietzshche’s song of killing God

I have murdered my own soul instead

It was too much guilt to kill the great Creator

The One that loved me so,

So I turned my gun onto my heart

And pulled the trigger

Countless times

I kept pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling

Until I felt nothing

No fun, no peace, no desire, no yearning

Nothing but a determination

To survive in perfection each and every single day

Yet perfection never came

Perfection never comes

Now I feel nothing

Not the pain of defeat

Not the joys of triumph

Not the torment of love

Nor it’s deep satisfactions

Not the love for my wife, my children

Only the hate for my enemies

This burns on the embers

Of my heart’s ashen stone

So my work here is gasping

Short, darkened groans

There is no song in all of that

No dancing, playful rhythms

I hear Zephaniah

I hear a singing

I feel the airy movements of dance above

Just like the butterfly’s wing that causes the maelstrom

I sense a great destruction, a ferocious, deep love

A destruction of all that is darkness

All that is hopeless

I see a great wind that will blow this away

I hear Zephaniah

A kindling has fallen on the embers

K, Duane Carter 7/14/15

She's Stil In There

She’s Still In There

Can eternity be buried by the sands of time?

Can the beauty ever, ever be removed from the rhyme?

Can the birds ever be silent at the brightening sunrise?

Can the soft eternal blue ever fade from your eyes?

Never, for you are still in there

Can life’s winding path through mountains and stones,

Can the pain of the heart, worse than the pain in the bones,

Can these silence all that is golden, even quiet the woods

Can the mystery of you ever be quite understood?

Never, for you are still in there

Could I ever know the ever deepening depths of your soul?

Could I ever feel a heart that is happy and whole?

Could I ever live a love, a life that’s divine?

Could I ever see a life, a love that’s sublime?

Always….for you are still in here

K, Duane Carter 3/28/15

Stuck Indoors

Stuck Indoors

I think I might just be a honey bee

Who has flown in through the open window, free

Now I find myself in an entirely different world

Flying and buzzing around, searching for something familiar, swirls

Searching for pollen, searching for water

But there is none of that here

Only expensive furniture and carpet and stone and slaughter

As on and on my unseen wings do drone

I am running out of energy seeking for home

I am running out of sustenance

I cannot find the escape

Maybe it is where I first began this journey, behind the dark capes

If I can only find my way back to the sunshine 

K, Duane Carter 3/18/15

Time to Rise and Shine!!

I had an interesting experience this morning.  I was in my Thursday routine of getting the kids to school.  They always want to listen to the “John Tesh Radio Show” and I grudgingly oblige them each morning.  It’s not that I’m against music or radio or John Tesh, it’s just that I have a habit of it being quiet when I drive because it’s honestly the only quiet time I ever get.  However, I know the kids enjoy the music so I turned it on and turned it up.  I had dropped them off this morning and I was on my way home and there was a song that literally reached out and grabbed me.  After I went home and looked it up, I found it was Coblie Caillat’s song, “Try.”  The song’s verses sing out these lies that the world system tells girls all the time, and then the chorus sings out a message that you don’t have to try, try, try, try, try to fit into that mold.  Just look at yourself and love yourself.  Now before everyone goes, “oh yeah, more positive thinking blah blah blah” you have to know how the song ends.  It again says to look in the mirror and love yourself and then ends “Because I love (like) you.”  As I was listening to the song, I felt God stirring in me.  I knew I myself had listened to all sorts of lies, and I had tried very hard to fit into all sorts of molds to fit in:  the perfect and successful doctor, the awesome dad, the loving husband, etc., and I had blown it on all fronts.  However, here was God, using the song from a “secular” pop star speaking loudly and clearly to me with a very simple message:  “Be you.  I like you.  So like yourself, and be you.”  It rocked me in my very core.

I began to think after this how often I have heard God speak to me through the “secular” world.  I began to remember one time how one of my spiritual moms asked me what was in my heart while we were in the middle of a church class, and I began to play the song “One” by U2.  Someone in the class got very offended, but if you’ll look at the lyrics, they are amazing.  

I then began to think of how the Bible speaks of the glory of God filling the earth, and then there are verses that speak of how the knowledge of the glory of God will fill the earth.  I thought of how the Bible says it is the glory of God to hide a matter and the glory of kings (mankind) to discover it.  I began to see that in just being me, I was seeing God release His goodness and creativity through ALL music and art and film and work, not just what happens in a church or religious setting.

As I thought of this, it hit me.  This is my opportunity in life.  I have an opportunity to share with others that it is time to relax and be you.  It’s ok to let go of the wounds that have occurred at the hands of others when they judged you and criticized you and ostracized you.  It’s ok to let those go and be you.  It’s ok to enjoy what you enjoy.  God is in it.  I even predict that you’ll start hearing Him quite clearly in things that most religious groups would tell you to get away from.  God has put His glory in you.  Let it shine.  Don’t cover it up with masks that others have made for you.  I think one of the most effective ways to step into good emotional and mental health is to just be YOU.

Shine, bright one.

We all need your light.

Love ya!  Dr. C.

Some Observations on Feeling Better....

I've noticed something over the last several days.  Despite my voracious holiday appetites, I am starting to feel a lot better than I have in a long time.  I know, I know.  You're all out there hoping that Dr. Carter is going to advise spiked egg nog and heavy holiday feasts for everyday living.  Nope, that isn't what has done it for me.  I sat down and thought about it tonight, and I know of a few things that have most definitely helped.  I wanted to share them with everyone so maybe you can put these things to use also.

First is that I have made deliberate choices to avoid allowing garbage into my spirit.  Yes, I know this one isn't very "medical" but it's very accurate.  If there are things that make you feel "less than" then get rid of them.  Those things do nothing but drain you, so give them the boot.

Second is that I have finally accepted who I am and what I do.  A person I consider one of my spiritual fathers, Paul Manwaring, has helped me tremendously in this.  Many of us consider ourselves as just coming short of who we should be and we beat ourselves up about it.  Stop it.  Begin to be thankful for who you are and for what you do.  If you can't be thankful for what you do then stop doing that and do something else that you love.  I have also found how to be thankful in different situations.  For example, I used to feel like I was "wasting time" when I was relaxing.  No more.  Like tonight I just went outside for a while and let the sunlight hit my face.  I was thankful for the few minutes of serenity.  In the past, a moment like that would have gotten me irritated because I should have been "doing something."  I'm learning I AM doing something...I'm taking care of myself.

Third is that I have finally learned that life is messy and that's ok.  I've given up the ideal that life can be perfect and organized and worry free.  That's not life...that's a cemetery.  So I'm not walking around upset all the time that things are going well.  It's amazing how much energy that leaves for doing the important things of life.

Fourth is that I've learned to forgive.  Holding on to grudges and bitterness just sucks...literally.  It just sucks the life right out of you.  So let it go (SING IT, ELSA!!).  Sorry, got carried away there.  Seriously, though, let it go.  Your spouse snapping at you?  Let it go.  The boss being a jerk?  Let it go.  I tell you, I'm learning this first hand, the amount of energy that you waste on being angry and upset is amazing.  So forgive...and watch your energy levels go up.

Fifth is that I've learned to listen to my wife and I am taking some excellent supplements.  I am using Juice Plus and doTerra's Long Life Vitality Pack.  These things are good and they're good for me.  I have found that as I begin to take care of myself with good food, good sleep, good supplements, good exercise, and surrounding myself with good friends and family, that my life is much lighter and I have a lot more goodness flowing into it and out from it and this benefits everyone.

So, there is a simple list of things I've notice have helped to energize me.  I'm not saying this is the "cure all" for all fatigue and malaise.  I am saying that I have found these things have made big difference to me in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and I'm hoping that sharing them will give others some insights on how to make their life better also.

Here's to you and a healthier and happier 2015...love you all!!

Dr. C.